THIS CHRISTMAS

It's nearly Christmas. How ironic, I just found out last night on TV that it's 22 days more to go before Christmas.

Actually, I have no idea and I'm not even excited about it either. Maybe because I'm just a little busy making up my life this past few months that I even forgot about Christmas.

But actually, I saw my Mom fixing our Christmas tree at home a month ago. And I suddenly remembered a lot of things. First, the Christmas tree. How amazing I could still remember how I fixed the Christmas tree in his house a year ago. I was so sad because while fixing it I knew he's leaving to US and celebrate Christmas with his own family. Second, it's been two years since the last time we've spent Christmas together. See, how time flies so fast. We don't even notice it.

Anyway, what makes me feel so sad right now is the fact that we're gonna celebrate Christmas without him again.

Honestly, I always fancied the thought of celebrating Christmas together as a family. I was really thinking maybe after that year we could celebrate Christmas with him this year or maybe you know, at least things would be better this time around. But very unfortunately, there's no way to make it happen now. Like he said he has no plans to stick with me in his entire life. How sad, pretty sad. I was totally hurt, as in badly hurt. I knew he meant it. I was totally a dumb ass (like he's always been telling me) because I let myself fell into the trap. I believed him so much that he would keep his promises and I was so patient that I waited enough. And now he's getting married and engaged with someone else. I just could hardly imagine how easy it was for him to just desert us that way and chose to be with someone else. I am so full of anger, hatred and revenge. No matter how much I convinced myself to let it go but I just can't. My son reminds me of him each day. But what can I do? Well, I can forgive but forgetting is the hardest thing to do. He had no idea how much I struggled just to survive and keep things into normal. That's why I pray even just this Christmas that God will free me from pain and hatred and learn to forgive and most especially to move on.

It's just so sad I always pay attention to every detail of what is happening in my life that's probably why I get hurt easily and become so emotional. Well, it's better than being so insensitive, huh!

Lastly, I was thinking do I get a present this Christmas? Pretty hilarious.